Peaceful, Unconditional Love: Surviving the Baggage.

“If your baggage is anything like mine, it is spiteful, relentless, and quite the dose of nasty when it’s not getting enough attention.” 

So.  I love the subject of relationships and the thought of unconditional love is quite enchanting. However, I want to be upfront and honest in saying that this is not always the most comfortable subject when it forces us to review our own behaviors.
Moi?  Yep.  Alright, here it goes.

Over the years, I have found myself embarking upon my own personal journey away from unhealthy partnerships and into the embracing arms of self-love.  I am not thrilled to say that I’ve been here before, at the beginning of what appears to be an awful, repeat chapter in my life.  Nonetheless, I am okay with the fact that I’ve always kept trying…even when it was, perhaps, dead.  I’m confident that eventually, my someone will find me.  We’ll work together and develop the loving relationship that is meant for us.  Hmm.  Let’s reword that to “my someones” and “relationships” to be on the safe side.

As we know, love isn’t always just fluttering around a sparkly, little garden in our hearts.  We also can attest to relationships sometimes uncovering a murderer we had no idea was lying dormant inside of us, lurking somewhere between the shadows of our nervous and cardiovascular systems.  Do be careful who you hurt.  Now, I promise to share as much as I can about my own struggles because I believe their normal.  However, no judgment please.  Perfection is not anyone’s to possess, and I’m certain life will continue to challenge and test the best of us all.

To begin, let’s explore one of the things that we always count on to re-center our focus when relationships fail and love leaves us bleeding and cold.  Yes, we’re going to read.  Fortunately, advisory material is forever plentiful, and here are some thoughtful words from one book I like, In the Meantime–Iyanla Vanzant.  I hope that you find it both insightful and helpful no matter where you are in your own personal journey to self-love.

This excerpt can be found verbatim on page 76.

“There is only one way to shift your consciousness from painful conditional attachments to peaceful unconditional love.  You must create new love expectations based on honor, respect, and support.  Honor what you feel by believing you can have what you want.  Respect where you are in your life, understanding that when you are ready to move forward you will.  Support yourself by refusing to accept less than you want.  This is your foundation–what you do and how you treat yourself.  In order to establish this new foundation in your consciousness, you must create new responses to life’s challenges that are based in love.  Your level of self-awareness and commitment to love will be matched by those you attract.  When it is not, you have a choice to make, and you have no fear of making it in a way that is honorable to you.”

So, the hard part comes next.  When I think of my own life experiences, I have to be honest in admitting that I am partially responsible for the type of relationship woes that I’ve suffered.  Ouch.  To recognize that I am what I attract and what I’ve been drawing into my life is very uncomfortable.  Acknowledging this validity makes me want to puke.   Do I like to be that vulnerable?  “Hell no.” says my deep-seated past. Yet, I know that I want to be.  I truly want my heart to be as free as a bird floating on open air, determined to live and enjoy the moment–no questions.  In light of that, through each relationship, a physical weight has been slowly lifting from my shoulders as I learn to practice accepting my truth.  When I am completely honest with myself and after the nausea subsides, there is an actual power I feel return to my mind, recharging me completely.  It’s such an amazing sensation, so light, like flying.  If that feeling could be sustained, indeed the hills would be alive with enough music for all of us every day. Until then, I’ll celebrate a more polished confidence that continues its construction in me.

Now, if your baggage is anything like mine, it is spiteful, relentless, and quite the dose of nasty when it’s not getting enough attention.  Simmering its tantrums will prove to be a challenge.  If experience has taught me one thing, I know that enlightenment is simply not enough to keep me from drifting back to bad habits and old, familiar prototypes.  There’s still work to be done.  However, I have a developing faith in my ability to choose to love myself honestly and completely.   I am grateful to accept responsibility for the type of people that have come in and out of my world.  That is power. What’s better than that?  I possess the ability to prevent unhealthy situations from echoing closed chapters in my life. Sure, I’ll have to be patient, but I’ll practice as much as I can.  I will treat myself well by refusing anyone and any relationship that fails to support me in my conquest of self-love.  The battle won’t be easily won, but I hope that you will put up a valiant fight and conquer the same for you.



Posted by Sabreena Shouts

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